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September 2011

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John Simm, Life on Mars

nephron in plannedsingles

Putting off parenthood

A few years ago, I really had my heart set on becoming a parent, and soon- I had finances planned out, and was in the process of getting the rest of my life ready.

I've since found other (career) goals that would prevent me from being able to become a parent for a while, and especially a single parent due to the amount of time and effort involved. Still, I want to have children, and if the only way I can do that is by being a single parent, that's what I'll do.

Who here has very long term plans that might lead to planned single parenting? I know my earliest date to be able to try to conceive are now probably sitting in 2016.

Do you specifically want to be a single parent rather than a parent as part of a couple? Is single parenting just the backup plan for you? Either way, how do you cope with a long wait before you can TTC?


I still have my heart set on becoming a parent even though I sometimes try to convince myself it's a bad idea. I have gone through stages where I make pacts with myself and spreadsheets outlining my financial plan and timetables and stuff like that. But life and circumstances often get in the way -- emergency surgery blew my savings then moving expences and there's the bad career change (that I thought would be gainful) not to mention I've lost my house and most everything in it twice in three years due to hurricanes.

It's tough cuz ya know, we're not getting any younger, and while I know technology is allowing women to have kids when older, I would rather enjoy my kid's younger years with working joints ^_~

As for coping, generally making plans DESPITE all the obstacles helps me. I go shopping for sperm donors in cycles. And I've given myself a deadline to do this. If I don't have all my ducks in a row by the deadline then I'll just give up and allow nature to take it's course and enjoy my nieces and nephews. I can be content with that.

As for single parenting or couplehood . . . I had pretty much made the conscious decision to remain single by the time I was 18. I'm 28 now and I've never felt the desire to be with anyone. So single-parenting is the choice for me.

I hope everything goes well for you in the future and that you update us on your progress ^_^
Can I ask why you decided to choose to be single forever? I am 28 and looking to have kids, but I too am single (it's complicated) but I don't even know where to begin to plan for single parenthood. I don't think adoption of a young child is possible and I don't want to adopt a teenager. Thanks for your advice. I am sorry about your losses.
Like most every other girl, I had my wedding planned in my head. Thing was, I didn't have a groom and I never really thought of the being married part. I just wanted the wedding cuz that's what was expected. Once I realized that, I decided I'd just stay single cuz having a wedding for the sake of a wedding isn't the best way to go about things. That and I've never really had an interest in coupledom. But I always did picture myself having children. So, around the time when I was 18, I started researching alternatives. I feel that donor insemination is the right choice for me; however, if it turns out that I'm infertile I'll probably adopt. You have to find the way that's right for you.

If you would rather adopt, I'd look into adoption agencies in the US and abroad. Foreign countries usually have separate guidelines for potential single parents than couples. You can find current guidelines through the US federal website. http://adoption.state.gov/
As for donor insemination, www.spermcenter.com is a fantastic resource since it filters several banks on one site so you don't have to go site hopping. And you can flag your favorites. You can even filter by price and choose to filter through only the banks you want to work with. It's well worth the small fee.

My losses are small compared to many ^_^ But I thank you just the same. Hope what little advice I could offer helped in some way ^_^ I wish you well!