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September 2011

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rdfreak in plannedsingles

introduction

Hi all,
I was doing a search for this very thing, so am really glad I found this community, and I really hope it's still active, even though it hasn't been posted to in a while.
I'm 29 years young from Melbourne australia. -- I've only been in one very short relationship. I feel that time is ticking on for me!
I've always really wanted kids ever since i was little.
For a while now, i've said to myself that if I don't find anyone to settle down with by the time I'm 34 or 35, I'm going to have to resort to the single-parent thing. It's not an ideal way I want things to happen, but I know that I will feel inconplete if I don't have children.
I haven't read any of this community yet, but I will start as soon as I've posted this.
I'm looking forward to hopefully reading any experiences anyone has had with this.
Any links to information about this kind of stuff, including sperm donation etc would be more than welcome!
Cheers! :)

Comments

Hello

I'm a single mom by choice in Maine, USA. I was 29 when I got serious in planning to have a baby and 31 when he was born. He just celebrated his 5 1/2 birthday on winter solstice :) I had him using a known donor who I sporadically keep updated by email (once a year, or so) but otherwise has no contact. I met him for the sole purpose of his donation. I found him, among lots of trolls and weirdos, on a small website of seeking/offering donation personal ads. We emailed back and forth a couple of times then I went to meet him in the city he lives in which was 3 hours from where I was living. We agreed at that meeting to have him be my donor. When I was 8 months pregnant I moved back to my home state (I left at age 18) to be closer to my family who have all been incredibly supportive. I'm still single, although I've dated a bit and had one relationship that lasted a year.

This community is quiet, but I'm happy to meet new people.
Hi there,
thanks for your reply.
It's funny that you were 29 also when you started to think about it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story; it's exactly what I was hoping for from people. I do have a few questions if you don't mind:
Firstly, nwhat made you decide you wanted to do the single-parent thing
Were you worried about telling your parents? How did they initially react?
just curious, has your sperm doner donated many times before?
Secondly, did you make any written contracts when it happened?
Thirdly how are you planning on telling your child? (that is currently a big question in my mind.) and, I guess leading on from that, would you or your doner be willing for an introduction if your child wanted that down the track?
thanks in advance! :)
Answers, in order:
1: I decided to be a single parent because I'd known I needed to be a mother since I was little. If I did nothing else with my life, I needed to bear, birth and raise a child. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always thought I'd end up doing it alone. I did have relationships, but nothing that lasted long enough to think about having kids together. As I got older, it just was seeming that time was running out. I had always thought 30 was a good time to start.
2: My parents were completely into the idea from the beginning. I'm an only child (and their only chance of being grandparents). They knew I'd be a good mother.
3: My donor donated once before me and once after (all boys) and he has 3 kids with his wife (2 girls and a boy).
4: We wrote up a donor agreement, but it's not legally binding since we didn't go through a physician or sperm bank. If he challenges me in court, the contract will show intent but is subject to a judge's whim. I was happy he already had one with his wife as I felt it less likely that he'd feel a fatherly urge with my kid and want access to him. I don't know of the laws in Australia.
5: Morgan knows he doesn't have a dad but that it takes a woman and a man to make a child start growing. He knows there was a really nice man that helped me have him. We are probably going to meet at some point, I'm guessing in a couple of years. The reason I went with a known donor was so that my kid would be able to know his donor if he wished to.
thanks so much; I really appreciate your answering those for me. I know there was a lot there.
As far as the first question goes, you and I are twins! that is exactly how I feel; that time is ticking on, and I can't see much of a chance of getting in a long-term relationship (with my poor track record at least in time to think about kids while still being a young Mum.
And, everything else you said makes sense. -- just one more question, have any of the other kids his age picked on him, or at least tried to make him feel uncomfortable? that's something in my mind as well.
It is legal here in Victoria which is a good thing.
I added you to my flist by the way and read all your journal and found it very interesting! :) Sounds like you're a great Mum. -- I guess that's another thing. I don't think my parents will be so accepting of this; main reason that I am actually blind; I don't have any useable vission, (I use a speech synthesizer for the computer - links in my user bio if you're curious), and I guess parents would think it'd be extremely hard for me to be a single parent.
The other reason why I could have problems with them is that they seem rather traditional, and they don't seem too open to new and different ways of doing things.
But, I have spoken about the single parent thing recently to others in front of them. The first time I did it, they seemed opposed to the idea. the second time was at christmas so I guess they couldn't say much, and probably still largely think I'm joking.
Thanks again!
Cheers! :)
I can't tell you how relieved I was to see your post. I'm 28 (soon to be 29) and just recently decided to begin TTC in June. Everyone keeps telling me I should wait longer, but I feel that it is the right time and that I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I've been "thinking" about this since I was in my early twenties! ^_^ Could you please send me a link to the website where you found your sperm donor? I wanted to go with a known donor as well for the same reason - I would love for my child to know his/her father.

Thank you so much for any information!

- Sandy
yes, I think that's the best way to go as well, in terms of having the child being able to meet the father.
Oh, I don't remember the website where I found my donor. It was years ago now. As I remember, my donor was the only one on there that was A)not looking for $$$, and B)not wanting to donate "naturally" (meaning, sex). It was such a small, sad site that it's probably long gone. If you go the sperm bank route, there are known vs unknown donors, meaning that when the child turns 18 they can initiate contact with their donor through the bank.
Oh, and I forgot to say, feel free to ask me anything!!
Hi and welcome to the community! I'm 28 years old and have recently decided (after years of thinking) to go ahead with TTC in the middle of next year! I also feel like time is ticking and what the heck am I waiting for? I live in southern Louisiana and after the quadruple whammies of Katrina, Rita, Gustav and Ike I've realized that time doesn't wait for YOU to be ready.

I've wanted kids since I was younger as well but I was never really into romance ^_^

If you're thinking of going the sperm donation route I recommend spermcenter.com as it's like a one-site pool of different sperm banks (U.S. based - sorry!) and for advice and community, I recommend www.singemothersbychoice.org, and www.choicemoms.org.

Good luck!

- Sandy
Hi sandy, thanks heaps for your message.
So even though that sperm bank site is based in the U.S, does it cater for the other countries? if not, am sure I'll find one here. thanks! wow, next year hey? looking forward to reading how it all goes for you!
Cheers! :)

(Anonymous)

hi there everyone

hi there,my name is john and im willing to donate for free if anyone is interested please contact hueymart@yahoo.com,so we can talk about this,thank you,i really want to help people

(Anonymous)

Re: hi there everyone

please spread the word and let everyone know that i am really wanting to do this donor thing for free,my mail is hueymart@yahoo.com and my name is john,contact me.

Re: hi there everyone

Are you in America? I'm unfortunately in Australia.
anyway, it's a very nice offer John, well done!
For a while now, i've said to myself that if I don't find anyone to settle down with by the time I'm 34 or 35, I'm going to have to resort to the single-parent thing.

That's what I always said, too! I wonder if we collectively put that as our time limit since past the age of 35 increases health risks.